Columns

Column: The First Whatever

 

GETTY STOCK IMAGES What will we call him?
GETTY STOCK IMAGES What will we call him?

If the early polls for the 2016 presidential race prove to be an enduring trend, then Hillary Rodham Clinton will become the first woman to reign in the White House, and that will surely be viewed as a historic milestone of epic proportions — on a par with the election of Barack Obama in 2008.

But if that does indeed come to pass, my focus will not be on the new president so much as on her husband, the Once and Past King. How Bill Clinton deals with the largely ceremonial post he will be obliged to occupy promises to be an intriguing spectator sport. And perhaps an amusing one as well.

For example, what will his title be? First Man?  The problem there is that for some folks, it might bring to mind the first man – Adam – and for all kinds of reasons, Clinton might not care to be identified with that sad story of Paradise Lost.

Nor does First Gentleman work very well either. It is much too formal and stiff for a loosey-goosey politico who, in his prime, was known by such hearty nicknames as “Bubba,” “Slick Willie” and my favorite, “the Hound Dog.”

If I had a say in the matter, I would urge Clinton to opt for First Dude, in large part because of all our recent Presidents, he’s the one who, in spirit and manner, most closely resembles “The Big Lebowski.” (I can just hear him, in the aftermath of the impeachment farce, murmuring with deep satisfaction, “The Dude abides.”)

Beyond the titular decision that has to be made, there’s the question of how Clinton plans to conduct himself in the role of First Caballero. (Yes, that could work, if only as a play to the Latino base.) After all, being the male consort of a national leader is tricky business and I’m sure Clinton would agree that most recent examples are disheartening.

Consider: Back in the 1980s, when Margaret Thatcher was the Prime Minister of Great Britain, her hubby, Denis, was rarely seen in public. I used to wonder about that until I became aware of how much “The Iron Lady” relished berating her male colleagues in Parliament and, at times, even within her own cabinet. Wise decision, Denis.

Then there’s Angel Merkel, née Kasner. At the age of 23, she married Ulrich Merkel, a fellow physics student at the University of Leipzig. But theirs was basically a starter marriage because Angela dumped Ulrich after a mere four-year run. However, she did choose to cling to his surname and to keep it even after she hooked up with her current husband, Joachim Sauer.

A renowned chemist and full professor at the prestigious Humboldt University in Berlin, Sauer much prefers the serenity of the chemistry lab to the hurly-burly of the political arena. And so, like Denis Thatcher before him, he has maintained an extremely low profile during his wife’s dynamic career as Chancellor of Germany.

But it is hard to imagine Bill Clinton, of all people, adopting such a self-effacing approach. Good Lord, this is a guy who, over the years, has rejoiced in the clamor of political rallies and the raucous give-and-take of public debate. So much so that it’s no exaggeration to say that he never met a podium he didn’t want to speak from.

To ask Clinton to shun the glaring limelight of public events would be tantamount to suggesting that he deny his very existence. But even if he were inclined to be reclusive, the protocols of his new job would not permit him to hide his charisma under a bushel.

Don’t forget that his wife, as the President of the United States, will not only be the chief executive of the national government, but also the head of state — a lofty status that will officially make her the counterpart of sundry monarchs, including Queen Elizabeth II. In fact, it is to the British Royal Family that Bill Clinton should look for guidance, and perhaps even inspiration.

Of all the male consorts who have been around during my lifetime, I would argue that the most impressive — by far — was Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Philip. (Admittedly, there hasn’t been that much competition.) And I think one of the reasons for his success in that role was his exquisite skill in the art of hovering.

I first noticed Philip’s talent as a hoverer back in the 1950s when I was in college and Elizabeth was in the early years of her reign. In those days, she was constantly on the go, making appearances throughout the United Kingdom and visiting Commonwealth lands on other continents.

In newsreel coverage of those events, Philip was invariably seen standing ramrod straight at her side and looking resplendent in his royal garb. He rarely had anything to say because whatever the occasion, the Queen obviously was the star attraction.

So, as his wife formally dedicated some new hospital or warship or prated on about the glories of the Commonwealth, Philip would limit his reactions to a nod or smile or whatever expression he deemed to be appropriate.

Mainly, however, with his hands clasped tightly behind his back, he just hovered, and in a way that projected a rare combination of deference and dignity. And Philip carried that off with such aplomb that as time went on, he established the gold standard for both hovering and male consortness.

It will not be easy for Bill Clinton to measure up to that standard. Unlike Prince Philip, who was probably schooled in hovering at an early age, Clinton’s natural inclination is to strut. He’s very much a cock-of-the-walk sort of fellow. Still, throughout his career, he has demonstrated a strong knack for adapting to new challenges, and so I wouldn’t bet against him.

Of course, as I said at the start, all this speculation depends on a Hillary triumph next year, and there is certainly no guarantee of that. But if the Clintons do return to the White House, then I, for one, will be eager to see how the First Whatever fares in his struggle to make the transition from Hound Dog to Hoverer.