Eye On the Ball: A different life

This is the first winter in 60 years that my wife Anne is not at my side. Things are quite different — rather than say good or bad or better or worse, I prefer saying “different.”

I Googled the percentage of how many marriages last 60 years and the answer is 1 percent. So, in the marriage department, I did better than 99 percent. Of course, like all greedy people, I wanted much more time. But that’s not the way life goes. Everything ends, except life goes on.

Married for such a long time, I always wondered what life was like for single men. Did I make a mistake and marry too early? The past six months, I’ve had a first taste of what life is like for people who chose the single life. Even though “different” is the word that comes to mind again, not better or worse, it is not as different as I expected.

I still must get up and go to work. Being single, I’m discovering that after work, all the housework must be done by me. Where is the person who’s taking care of the house, shopping for food, preparing the meal, cleaning up the kitchen or doing the laundry? She is not here anymore, and the problem is the entire work load is now in my hands.

I used to think if I took out the garbage I had just cleaned the whole house. Even though I water my plants, they are not happy. I now feel like an idiot trying to talk to them. Anne was much more gracious, saying “Good morning” and “Good night,” like they were her children. Understandably, plant morale is now at a low point. Half of them already gave up and went to the big garbage can in the sky and the survivors are looking sadder every day.

I’m suddenly aware that I’m taking care of Anne’s house. As I look around, I don’t know how it happened, but everything I see on the floors and walls was selected by her. I never thought of it before, but I keep looking and I can’t find a thing that I decided should be on display.

As a married man, I watched “Jeopardy,” “Wheel of Fortune” and “Family Feud” every night. It irritated me that I couldn’t always watch the TV programs I wanted. Now I realize the actual program wasn’t nearly as important as the company I had watching it with me. After my trips through all the channels, my remote now stops at “Jeopardy,” “Wheel of Fortune” and “Family Feud.”

In my short life as a single man, I’m finding that nothing gives me more pleasure than a good partner. With a good partner, you can say anything you want and have an adult discussion. In public, a good partner will always have your back and you will have theirs. Friends are nice, but they don’t always have your back, and some can get jealous, and you must be careful about what you say all the time.

I used to laugh at parties as I listened to Anne backing me up, even though she thought I was wrong. She could tell me I was wrong, but she didn’t want anyone else telling me. If you marry, I assure you the marriage will last a lot longer and be a lot more fun if you can find a genuine partner.

How do you find a genuine partner? First, the person might not have any money, the perfect body shape or be handsome or beautiful. That person should be someone you enjoy making happy and they love doing the same for you. You must respect each other for their thoughts and beliefs even though many times they don’t agree with yours. We are all different — that’s what makes us interesting.

Did you pick up that I don’t like coming home to an empty house? I like coming home to someone I want to be with. Together, we have managed to shop and make dinner so we can sit and talk or watch TV together.

In my marriage, I never made the dinner, but I always cleaned up the kitchen. Anne was much better at putting a meal in front of me — I looked like I was eating at the Palm.

How you choose to live your life is fine, and there’s no way that’s better or worse, remember? They are different. If you’re looking for someone who agrees with you all the time, stay single, because it doesn’t happen.

If you’re looking for someone to talk to and disagree with many times, get a partner. As an older man I just want to say: “I miss my partner.”