Teens and alcohol—what’s a parent to do?
You’ve tried lecturing, cajoling, even punishing but you’re pretty sure your adolescent is still drinking from time to time. The “just-say-no” approach isn’t working. What do you do now?
Well, unless it’s against your religion, drinking isn’t a moral issue. And it’s almost a given that most adolescents will experiment with alcohol, since it is an age when they are hard-wired to question, test and break rules — a natural part of growing up. So do you just give up and look the other way or what?
Let’s take a moment to look at the why and the how of drinking. Why do people drink alcohol anyway?
1. For the taste/enhancement to food
2. To quench their thirst
3. To relax
4. As part of a social event
5. To celebrate
6. To forget their worries
7. Peer pressure or to be cool
8. To get outside of themselves
9. To get high
10. Because they physically/mentally must
The first five reasons are part of most people’s normal life. When the red flags begin getting raised is when reasons six through ten come into play because it means alcohol is becoming or has become an escape from other, healthier productive ways of dealing with things. This is when drinking is a problem. It stops emotional development, and thus causes people to make increasingly more destructive choices. It’s these destructive choices and their consequences that parents really fear, not the drinking itself.
So, while you don’t want to condone or encourage something that is illegal and potentially harmful to your child, keep the dialogue open and focus on the why and consequences of drinking.
You might also look at what “protective factors”, what alternatives you are instilling in your child. Some things to consider:
• Are you modeling behavior that says the only way to relax or have a good time is with alcohol, or are you teaching healthy stress relievers and host or attend the occasional alcohol-free event?
• Are you building in your child feelings of self-acceptance, confidence and responsibility, or are you using fear and negative messages to control your child?
• Are you demonstrating positive ways to deal with the problems of life by discussing them in the family as appropriate and seeking outside help when necessary, or are you keeping family secrets and avoiding dealing with issues?
• Are all members of the family treated with respect, supported and listened to, rather than just talked at?
• Do you have regular family discussions and do fun/rewarding things together as a family, or are you just too busy and have left your teen to his/her own devices?
• Have you taught and practiced ways for your child to say “no,” or get out of uncomfortable situations?
• Are you modeling responsible drinking behavior by not drinking and driving and not over-indulging?
• If there is an addiction gene in your family, have you talked with your child about the signs and dangers of addiction?
Regardless of what you might think, research has shown that you are still the most important and influential person in your child’s life. By educating your child about the consequences of abusing alcohol (or any substance/feel-good behavior for that matter), by modeling responsible and alternative behavior yourself, by building in strong protective factors and by keeping the dialogue open, you have a much greater chance that your child will not succumb to using alcohol self-destructively.
Communities That Care sponsors programs aimed at prevention by identifying and reducing risk factors at the root of problem behaviors and increasing factors that protect against these risks. We encourage you to become involved in strengthening your children, your family and your community by becoming a mentor, having your child participate in the Buddy program or by attending the award-winning Guiding Good Choices® program for parents of 9- to 14-year-olds.