Life, the world explained by undergrads


Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. 


The following, courtesy of various websites, are purported to be actual test answers given by students at various institutions of higher learning around the country. Although there’s no knowing for sure how genuine they really are, I’d say that if even a quarter of them are real, Nostradamus gave us way longer than we deserve to expect. For purposes of orderliness, as if we needed any, I’ve separated them into categories, sort of.


THE HUMAN BODY


• The body is consisted into three parts: the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. 


• When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.


• When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.


• Blood flows down one leg and up the other.


• When a boy reaches puberty, he says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.


• The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.


• A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.


• The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.


• A fibula is a small lie.


HEALTH TIPS


• For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.


• To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.


• For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.


• A terminal illness is when you are sick at the airport.


• Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.


• For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.


• For fainting, rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.


ZOOLOGY


• The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.


• A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.


• The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.


• Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.


• The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.


• If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.


HORTICULTURE


• The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.


• Dew is formed when the sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.


• Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.


GENERAL SCIENCE


• The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.


• H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.


• When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


• Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.


• Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin; Hydrogin is gin and water. (If only it were so).


• A turbine is something an Arab wears on his head.


CONCLUSIONS


And finally this one, which I thinks sums things up nicely.


• The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.