Islanders reach out to help kids cope with loss

“For the Love of the Children,” a gathering to support East End Hospice’s (EEH) Camp Good Grief, will be held on Saturday, June 1 from 5 to 7 p.m. at Gardiner’s Bay Country Club.

This camp for children ages 4 to 17 who have lost a parent or loved one will be held the week of July 22-26 at Camp Pa-Qua-Tuck in Center Moriches. While there are traditional camp activities like fishing, swimming and boating, time is also set aside for grief education and emotional support. Experienced grief professionals and trained bereavement volunteers provide a variety of activities, including art therapy, music, structured play and group therapy, to help children learn to cope with their grief.

In 1997, the first year of camp, 27 children participated. In 2018, 169 children from the tri-state area attended the camp. Some campers have returned for a second year, and some previous campers have returned as volunteers to help other children. Camp Good Grief is unique in offering a five-day program.

In an interview with the Reporter, Heights resident Kathy Zarchin explained what motivates EEH and volunteers like her to dedicate their efforts to the camp. “For kids, she said, “suddenly their world is turned upside down.”

They may not have the emotional tools to deal with grief. They may feel other children won’t understand their loss — except for children who have also been through it.

Ms. Zarchin said she embarked on a career as a nurse after losing her father to cancer when she was a young girl. “I had to figure out how that would fit into my life,” she said.

She focused on oncology because she had seen her father go through chemotherapy and radiation. Later she turned to hospice care, especially for young people who had been affected by those treatments for their cancers. After that she served on the board of East End Hospice.

She explained that the support of other women who had lost their husbands, as she did four years ago, was very helpful as she went through her own bereavement. “I’ve learned that you have to go through the middle with grief,” she said. “You can’t go around it.”

She pointed out, though, that children experience grief in different ways: “There may be guilt. Children wonder ‘What did I do?’ that caused them to lose a loved one.”

Camp Good Grief has “an amazing support staff,” she said, especially trained to work with the children, including 60 staff members and 75 volunteers. She pointed out that children taking part in the therapy often don’t realize it’s therapy. “It’s also so helpful for children to see other kids going through the same thing,” she added. “Camp is a kind of comfort zone” where it’s okay to talk about what they’re going through.

Ms. Zarchin and other volunteers are making a special effort to introduce Camp Good Grief to Islanders with the June 1 event. “I’d like to challenge the families of Shelter Island,” she said, “to make a difference in children’s lives as they walk the path of grief. It can be a long, lonely path.”

There will also be a fundraiser on Friday, May 31 at Ms. Zarchin’s home. J. McLaughlin will have a Sip ‘n’ Shop from 5 to 7 p.m. with a portion of clothing sales going to the Camp.

Brian Kass has donated four child-sized Adirondack chairs to be raffled off.

For information and tickets for both events, contact Chrissy at (631) 288-7080 or [email protected]. Tickets for the Gardiner’s Bay event are $100.