Jenifer’s Journal: Dream house

I live in my house as I live inside my skin. — Primo Levi

Thanks to “mortgage forbearance,” I just paid my first mortgage payment in a year. I’m feeling both joy and trepidation.

Like many seniors, I’m going to have to make some hard choices about what is (like many others) my most valuable material possession. This house sits like a big, shaggy dog in the middle of an acre of land on one of the Island’s busiest corners. It does have a water view sometimes — that big puddle that forms at the end of the driveway — but only after it rains. The fact is, the house has been unmanageable from the first.

Certainly it seemed contraindicated for a single woman with two young children, but back in 1982 it was pretty much the last “handyman’s special” on this island. And besides, my brother was here, and my kids wanted a dog, and my “career” at the time involved refinishing woodwork, so naturally I considered myself a handyperson.

All reasons enough, I guess. I’d wake up with night sweats thinking about being shackled to this behemoth by a 30-year mortgage. At first, we had to endure living in Early Ugly, what with its wall-to-wall mustard carpet and maybe seven varieties of plastic paneling. After some ripping and tearing, on-sale paint, and forced-labor wallpapering by my mother, the house edged grudgingly into its protracted “shabby chic” period.

It began to feel more like home though and, at Christmastime anyway, it looked absolutely beautiful.

By 1988, because the novelty of seeing slugs appear from under the curling yellow linoleum after a hard rain had worn off, I used my inheritance from my mother to rebuild the kitchen/laundry room area — life-changing! Fourteen years later, in the wake of both 9/11 and then my own “twin towers” emotional crisis, instead of abandoning this house and the Island, I re-financed and was finally able to attend to the many issues that had gone begging.

It took maybe six months, but crumbling plaster walls and ceilings were replaced, floors refinished and, due to my addiction to the Benjamin Moore color wheel, every room was painted a different color. Few houses could tolerate such … flamboyance … unless there were rings in the yard, but this house, with its simple, natural-shingled dignity, took those colors in stride. Nearly 20 years later, I still love waking up to my house or returning to it, whether from the IGA or a week-long trip, because it’s still like coming home to myself.

During COVID, many of us have come to realize that a house is a lot more than where we eat and sleep, and the recent surge in home improvements reflects that. In his last column, my predecessor mentioned his satisfaction in refurbishing some rooms in his house. His daughter, Lora, gave me a tour the other day. That house is Richard.

I want to stay in my house, of course, but it’s a lot. According to AARP’s updated Home and Community Preferences Survey: “There’s no place like home. A new AARP survey of adults shows that 3 out of 4 adults age 50 and older want to stay in their homes and communities as they age — yet many don’t see that happening for them. While 76% of Americans age 50 and older say they prefer to remain in their current residence and 77% would like to live in their community as long as possible, just 59% anticipate they will be able to stay in their community, either in their current home (46%) or a different home still within their community (13%).

“Communities become a source of support and engagement for residents, particularly for older adults, who have an even stronger desire to age in place. The AARP survey finds many adults age 50 and older “are willing to consider alternatives such as home sharing (32%), building an accessory dwelling unit (31%) and villages that provide services that enable aging in place (56%) … half of all adults age 18 and older say they would not consider home sharing (28%) or are unsure (23%) about it. Yet of that group, three in five (58%) say they would in fact consider the option if they needed help with everyday activities like household chores or transportation, and half (50%) would also consider it simply for companionship …Rather than making [modifications to their houses as they age] about 24% of people age 50 and older say they plan to relocate to a new area.”

So, for seniors especially, there’s lots to think about. But wherever we end up living, if we make choices, even small ones, that ensure that our surroundings reflect who we really are, we can always come home to ourselves.