A Shelter Island evening of remembrance and hope: 2025 Vigil emphasizes healing

“Five years, five months, seven days, six hours.”

That is the time that had passed since Gina Kraus’ lost her son Evan to opioid addiction to the moment she spoke at the Vigil of Hope on the basketball court off Bateman Road on Aug. 28.

Her words touched the hearts of everyone at the Vigil, whether they were close friends of Evan, acquaintances, or a young man they have come to know through his mother’s sharing of his memory and the spark it lit in her to help save other families from the pain she has endured.

This year’s Vigil of Hope, organized by the Town’s Health and Wellness Committee, was dedicated to healing. As Reporter columnist and member of the committee,Nancy Green has written: “In 2024, U.S. overdoses dropped by nearly 27%. This is excellent news. Public health initiatives including programs such as Shelter Island’s, have raised the awareness of the perils of fentanyl and other opioids.  Unfortunately, drug awareness programs across the country are now being cut, raising the fear that these numbers could again skyrocket. And bear in mind, while the numbers have decreased, still 80,391 Americans lost their lives to overdoses in 2024, still too many.”

Some parents who have lost children to opioids might have isolated themselves with their pain, but Ms. Kraus chose a different path. She used her pain to reach out to others — those who are struggling with addictions, families of those who have lost relatives to addictions, and those who struggle with depression but feel isolated with their pain.

“It is crushing to lose someone you love, especially a child,” Ms. Kraus said. She described Evan as “a powerhouse,” and said on the morning of the day he died, he was reaching out to his sponsor. That his name is spoken and story told at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings throughout the country keeps his memory alive, Ms. Kraus said.

“How do you go on? How do you feel?” she posed those critical questions to some 150 people who once again gathered to remember, support and gain strength from the annual overdose awareness gatherings.

She pronounced herself filled with gratitude for those who embraced her since Evan’s death  and those share their own stories of addiction or support family members who have suffered the pain of loss or lift up those who are still struggling to end their addictions.

Robin Aviv has been sober for 32 years, she told Vigil attendees. Today, she, too, reaches out to help others suffering with depression, anxiety, concerns about sexual identity, bullying — all of which are exacerbated by social media, Ms. Aviv said. People involved with such programs learn and teach coping strategies and become leaders in their communities, helping others in need, especially young children, she said. “We’re in the business of saving lives,” she added.

Joe Kelly told the gathering he hasn’t had a drink in “a long, long time.” He has lost people to addictions and never forgets them. He’s one of those focusing on healing and reaching out to others who are struggling. “Addiction is an illness,” Mr. Kelly said. Addicts are “sick people trying to get well,” he said. What he knows is healing is not the same as “curing” an addiction. It takes forgiving yourself for your past, he said, and requires honesty and vulnerability. It takes steps forward and steps back along the path. Recovery is not about becoming who you once were but in becoming someone wiser, Mr. Kelly said.

The Rev. Stephen Adkison of Shelter Island Presbyterian Church offered a prayer of healing through spirituality. “Tonight we grieve and on this night we have hope,” Pastor Adkison said.

Mary Ann Palmer recalled the night she and her husband spent searching for their son.

Memories of that long day and night still brings her to tears, she said. Seven years after finding him, he is now married and a father. Today, Ms. Palmer is a parent-coach. “I’ve been there. You’re not alone,” she told others who are on that road with family members.

She is sharing the hard lessons she has learned; healing doesn’t eliminate pain, but it teaches you how to cope.

Erich Carey offered a musical interlude with Tom Odell’s, “Heal.”

                  “Take my mind and take my pain

                  Like an empty bottle takes the rain

                  And heal, heal, heal, heal.”

Shelter Island Police Sgt. Anthony Rando related the efforts police and others continue to put forward to save lives and support those struggling with addictions as well as their families. He described the outreach as a team, saying, “We are on Shelter Island where we are one team.”

He praised the support police have received from the administration of Supervisor Amber Brach-Williams and Senior Account Clerk Shelby Mundy; the cooperation of School Superintendent Brian Doelger, Ed.D., and his staff; and the staffs of the Senior Center and Recreation Department.

The team teaches, listens and responds, Sgt. Rando said.

Saving a life is one step, but building a life is another, he said. “Our door is open,” Sgt. Rando said. At the same time he encouraged his listeners to reach out to those they know are struggling and have the hard conversations with children, friends and neighbors. “If someone needs help, offer help,” he said.

Former councilman Jim Colligan, co-chairman of the Health and Wellness Committee, finished the evening following Ms. Kraus’ introduction in which she said, “If you want to get something done, have Jim Colligan on your team.”

He noted that the focus of the Vigil has been on the importance of communication, hope and healing, and recounted how the Island responded during the COVID pandemic calling it “the true definition of community … Healing is the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.” 

Mr. Colligan said that everyone can be courageous “even if we have to dig a little to find it … Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity. You can make a difference in the lives of people here on Shelter Island.”