Loss brings tears and growth: Theinerts and friends to celebrate Joey’s 40th

“There’s something beautiful that can come out of something awful.” 

That was James “Jimbo” Theinert speaking this week about the death of his beloved brother, Joey, which would lead to the development of the Strongpoint Theinert Ranch, a retreat for veterans and their families, and in turn helping him deal with his own trauma.

The New Mexico ranch provides a respite for veterans, returning military personnel and their families, Gold Star families, or those who have lost loved ones who served the nation in combat.

“I felt a lot of guilt about not putting on the uniform” when his brother enlisted, Mr. Theinert said. First Lt. Joseph Theinert lost his life in Afghanistan on June 4, 2010 protecting his troops.

After his brother’s death, he shared his feelings of guilt with Cindy Belt when they both coached volleyball. He credits her for showing him that his way of serving was different, but no less important.

It has a lot to do with his approach to teaching and programs he has helped launch at Shelter Island School. In the last few years, he has created an “externship” program for students to get them out of the building to involve them in programs that can give them experience in potential work situations. Several students have been to the ranch to participate in building a deck on the barracks.

Meeting troops from Joey’s platoon inspired his mother Chrystyna Kestler and stepfather Dr. Francis Kestler, to deal with their grief, at least in part, by contributing land they owned in Magdalena, N.M., for what would become a respite for troops and veterans to find healing, peace and community. Military members and families don’t pay to participate in a retreat. Roundtrip airfare, food and facilities are all paid through grants and contributions. Those who facilitate various programs  volunteer their time and expertise.

As a lifelong Shelter Islander, the word “community” resonated with Mr. Theinert, the organization’s president, a facilitator and a Gold Star brother. The Gold Star identification goes to family  who have lost relatives in combat. His aim was to create a community at the ranch in the spirit of the connections developed on the Island, which has a tradition of people reaching out to support those in need.

Ten years ago this month the ranch held its first retreat. This month, the usual February retreat for veterans will be replaced by a special gathering of Joey’s family, joined by friends who had not previously been to the ranch. On Valentine’s Day, Mr. Theinert and his wife Mary and their children, his brother Bill and Chrystyna and Dr. Kestler will celebrate Joey’s birthday with their Island friends at the ranch.

“We do want to share it with people who knew Joe,” Mr. Theinert said. He recalled an earlier visit with Mary and their children — Acadia, 2, and Archie, 4. At the end of their time in New Mexico, tears came to his eyes, realizing his children would never know their uncle except through the memories of others. The way Islanders have turned out from the time of Joey’s death to keep his memory alive has been what has helped all of the family deal with their grief, Mr. Theinert said.

The fundraising South Ferry cruises aboard what the children call Uncle Joe’s boat are an annual tribute of remembrance and honor. Each September, supporters board the boat for a cruise that is far more significant than the money it brings to help support the ranch’s operations.

But for Mr. Theinert, Cliff Clark’s naming one of South Ferry’s boats for Joe has always been most special, he said. 

Mr. Theinert’s wife Mary, an artist, was close to both brothers in high school and has spearheaded a new program in the arts in partnership with a dance company, Exit 12, that is providing movement-based therapy. Exit 12 will offer a seven-day creative residency at the ranch, providing a unique gathering of military veterans and military community members who will join in a program of movement. 

“Led by professional artists with lived military experience, Creative-OP will use storytelling, movement exploration and shared reflection to build . . . an immersive participatory performance, with fellow military community members,” according to the description in ranch promotional materials.

Participants need no experience in the arts, only “a willingness to show up, try something new, and be part of a supportive, mission-driven cohort.”

Summing up his feelings about losing his brother and working to help create Strongpoint Theinert Ranch, Mr. Theinert said he has learned and benefited from what he calls “post-traumatic growth.”