Driving on Long Island: One man’s odyssey

I have now been driving a hybrid vehicle for a little over two years, and I have discovered some things.

In some ways they are similar to ordinary cars and in some ways they are not. For instance, they are no different from any other vehicle when it comes to smashing into deer, which it seems I am somewhat of an expert at. Because of this I am now into my second hybrid. This particular used model also happens to be equipped with blue tooth so if you happen to pass me on the highway you will see me jabbering away in the car. Until recently, noticing someone in a car talking to apparently nobody might have been a sign that maybe they shouldn’t be driving at all, or doing much of anything else without serious supervision.

Although my car beeps when I put it in reverse, it is, unfortunately for those nearby the car and hard of hearing, only audible from inside the vehicle. I have been thwacked several times by elderly people with canes whom I’ve nearly backed over because they can’t hear the engine, which is of course because it isn’t running. It’s also for this reason that I’ve mistakenly left my car “on” for inordinate periods of time — once overnight!

One of the attractions for buying a hybrid in the first place was that it would enable me to use the HOV lane on the Long Island Expressway during high traffic periods, smugly passing less fortunate individuals stuck in a half-mile per hour crawl. In fact, so attractive was this option, that soon after purchasing my hybrid, Helpmate traded in her car for one as well. What they don’t tell you when you purchase one of these cars is that the process of getting your “clean pass” sticker, the one you need to ride the HOV lane, couldn’t be more difficult. You cannot do it online. You cannot do it in person at any one of the hundreds of DMV offices in New York State. You cannot do it at the dealership when you buy your car. The only way you can do it is to call DMV during regular business hours and recite the license plate over the phone. Everyone knows that the chance of actually speaking with a human from DMV during the half hour or so you might have during lunch is about the same as getting a parking space on Bridge Street during Fourth of July weekend. So now, almost two years after the purchase, the newer hybrid is still sticker-less.

The HOV lane is also a little sketchy. Self-satisfied tree-hugging hybrid owners consider the HOV lane their own personal space and treat it as such. Since a hybrid gets better miles per gallon at slower speeds, they are invariably at the front of a long line of other HOV lane users, who, not being as concerned with their MPG gauge as they are at getting to where they are going at the fastest possible speed, gnash their teeth as other cars in the regular, lower class lanes speed by to their right. To make matters worse, the restricted access of the HOV lane makes impatient drivers cross over the lines where not legally able to do so, thereby risking fines and points. This is the same reward set aside for “clean pass” sticker-less cars and single drivers with inflatable dolls in the front seat, trying to skirt the “high occupancy” rules.

Another aspect that makes highway driving on Long Island so fun and exciting is the “speed limit”. Most drivers treat the speed limits like congress treat “spending limits”. One of my brothers, who lives in Virginia, where the highway speed limit is 65 mph, came up to visit several years ago. In Virginia, if you travel at more than 10 miles over the speed limit, you are subject to a charge of six points on your license, plus a fine per mile per hour over the limit and court costs. Twenty miles per hour over the limit is an automatic felony reckless driving charge with huge attendant fines.

My brother was astonished to see cars screaming by him at 80 mph, as he traveled at what he thought was a fairly risky 65, considering the posted limit. Doing the math, a driver caught doing the same thing in Virginia would wind up with a revoked license, possible jail time and a whopping $3,500 in fines.

And if you think driving on the Long Island Distressway is life-threatening, take the same speeds and aggressive driving and move them a few miles south to Route. 27, where there are only two lanes and no HOV. Having worked in Bellport for more than ten years, I can report without exaggeration that I was forced to take either evasive action or engage serious braking and/or acceleration to avoid an accident at least three to four times per week. Of course I am a model driver and none of these incidents were remotely my fault.

I am one of many experienced and law-abiding drivers who never read email, call or text while driving. My seat belt is always fastened. My lights are always on, for safety. I always signal when changing lanes, and never leave my signal on. I never drive more than ten miles per hour above the speed limit. I have never been the recipient of an indecent gesture, nor the target of degrading epithets. Anyone who goes slower that I do is an idiot. If they go faster, they’re maniacs. I am never, ever in the wrong.

Watch out for me.