Column: Before the bomb goes off

My younger brother fatally shot himself while standing in a bathtub with the shower curtains closed to minimize damage to the room. He was being considerate to the landlord, a friend of his.

It was not so considerate to our sister, who adored her baby brother, helped raise him in a dysfunctional family, and was close to him as an adult. When the metaphorical bomb went off, she was devastated.

That’s the way someone described suicide, a bomb that causes injuries to people near and far.

A person stands surrounded by concentric circles made up of all the individuals the person knows. The people who are bound most closely to the person by family ties or personal relationships stand in the circles nearest to the person. Acquaintances stand in circles further out. The person sets off the bomb he or she has been secretly holding and is killed, the only one to die. But everyone standing in those circles is injured to a degree.

The people standing closest are hurt the most. But even the people standing in the furthest circles suffer negative consequences, bewilderment and sadness.

We’re nearing the end of September, which is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, to publicize what can be done to help a person contemplating suicide — and what steps people standing in the circles around that person can take to prevent the bomb going off. Among the organizations supporting Suicide Prevention Awareness Month are the National Alliance on Mental Health and the Suicide Prevention Center of New York — preventsuicideny.org.

MAKE THE CALL

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a network of mental health professionals at the ready 24/7 to assist people in need, officially became available by dialing 988, instead of the old 10-digit number. The idea was to create an access number that would be as easy to remember as the 911 emergency number, one that even children now know by heart. The 988 number became available in English and Spanish across the U.S. this summer.

The number also receives text messages, which could be a critical improvement for younger people more accustomed to that form of communication. The 988 line can also be used by people who are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

A media release announcing the launch of the 988 access code called it “an important step toward strengthening and transforming crisis care in this country. It serves as a universal entry point so that no matter where you live, you can reach a trained crisis counselor who can help.”

The number also provides specific support for veterans, who can dial 1 after calling 988 to be connected to the Veterans Crisis Lifeline, which serves all members of the nation’s armed forces and those who support them. The Veterans Crisis Lifeline is also available via text message at 838255.

Veterans are vulnerable to suicide and suicidal thoughts. According to 2021 research from Boston University: “In the 20 years since Sept. 11 terror attacks, four times as many deaths among members of the military have been caused by suicide compared to those killed in action.

That’s 30,177 active duty personnel and veterans of the post-9/11 wars who have taken their own lives.”

Both pre- and post-pandemic, the highest rate of suicide (70%) and the largest risk for suicide both belong to one group: middle-age white men — like my brother.

On the Island, a close-to-home resource is Town Social Worker Lucille Buergers, who can be reached at 631-749-8807 or by email at [email protected].  

RECOGNIZING THE CRISIS

According to a State report, “New York is the first state in the nation to implement an innovative pilot program called ASSIP, or the Attempted Suicide Short Intervention Program. The program has been shown to reduce new suicide attempts by previous attempt-survivors. The State is using Suicide Fatality Reviews (SFR) in four counties significantly affected by suicide. The reviews recommend interventions, such as training staff at animal shelters after research highlighted how often people surrender pets when planning suicide. New York was the first state to receive a grant from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for this effort. More than 500 outpatient mental health clinics now use the Zero Suicide model of care. We expect our newest youth-focused grant to reach 35,000 young people over five years.”

COLLATERAL DAMAGE

My brother and I weren’t close, but I was hit with guilty questions in the aftermath of his suicide.

There was a 16-year gap in our ages, we hadn’t visited for several years, and we lived half a continent away from each other. Could I — would I — have done something if I’d known his last days were spent taping newspapers over the mirrors in his apartment because he couldn’t stand the sight of his own reflection?

Should I have done something when he called shortly before his death to say he was down in the dumps about not having a job? Will I ever know how someone so talented, handsome, and popular could explode a bomb like that?

Sometimes, a person believes everyone standing in those circles around him will be better off if he or she is dead and gone. It doesn’t turn out that way. Collateral damage is inevitable, leading to everything from grief and doubt to depression or in some cases to suicide, setting off another explosion, another round of pain.

Any way you look at it, sympathy for the person in so much pain she kills herself or sympathy for all the people hurt by that act of self-destruction — it’s tragic and ugly.

And no one emerges unhurt.

David Lozell Martin, author of a dozen novels, is a columnist and feature writer for Virginia’s Eastern Shore Post, where this column was originally published.