Telling a story of transition: Author visits Shelter Island

How does an extremely private individual with a long-held secret go from avoiding the spotlight to writing a book that exposes the entirety of their life?

Very eloquently, if you’re Maeve DuVally, who is determined to not only embrace her true self, but help others who have hidden themselves from family, friends, business associates — the world at large.

Ms. DuVally, now in her 60s, was born Michael DuVally. Twice he married and has fathered three children in an earnest effort to be the man he thought the world would accept.

“I never liked anything masculine about me,” she said of her years of trying to live as Michael. Yet she admitted that for decades she didn’t recognize her desire to be a woman.

Michael’s story was compounded by having a career in financial services as a corporate spokesperson for Goldman Sachs. He always knew he was “different” but for many years hadn’t confronted the nature of that difference, even to himself. He simply knew he didn’t like himself and didn’t feel comfortable with those around him.

Ms. DuVally shared her story on Saturday, Aug. 27, at a book launch party on Shelter Island just days after publication of “Maeve Rising.— Coming out Trans in Corporate America.” An invited guest list of people at the party at a house on St. Mary’s Road peppered Ms. DuVally with questions about her discovery of her true self and the process of living her true identity. The book launch was hosted by David Brock, Mark Kollar and Lisa Dallos, all of whom have homes on the Island and have been long-time friends of the author.

It was only the second stop in a promotional tour for her book, having met with people in Provincetown on Cape Cod earlier last week.

Ms. DuVally had only gradually recognized that she was a woman, and in October 2018, she began to be open in her social life. But it took another eight months before she finally found she could no longer compartmentalize her life with friends who knew about her transition and work colleagues who only knew Michael DuVally. In the book she said she was, for the second time in her life, going through puberty — this time at age 56.

She turned to Jake Siewert who was then a managing director at Goldman Sachs. He assisted her, as Ms. DuVally began her coming out process at work. It started with creating a list of colleagues at Goldman who would be the first to be told about the transition. Then Lisa Douglas, executive director of diversity & inclusion at the company, was assigned to help in the process of coming out as trans.

On the one hand, Michael was very anxious to reveal Maeve. But that didn’t make the process easy, even at a company that wasn’t as conservative as many Wall Street companies, she said. But still, she said, it wasn’t easy.

“I was very nervous about coming out,” Ms. DuVally said during Saturday evening’s interview with Mr. Siewert. Ultimately, she said, “I never looked back.” Today she’s an LGBTQ+ advocate consulting with other companies assisting employees coming out, whether it’s as transgender people or others who have been hiding their true identities.

“Many of us don’t like to be in the limelight,” she said, while acknowledging everyone’s process is different.

She also acknowledged a battle with alcoholism that she currently has under control and said she identifies as a lesbian because, “I still like women.”

Mr. Siewert called her coming out “a high form of bravery.”

“Goldman prepares well for everything,” Ms. DuVally said. She found her colleagues generally supportive. But she said some transgender people who are told they are courageous think those who use such words are condescending. “They feel they don’t have a choice,” she said by way of explanation. “People come out when they’re ready.”

Her book reveals a life with many difficult experiences and challenges, but in answer to a question about dealing with those situations, she said, “I’m the product of all my experiences. I’m happy with the experiences that got me here.”

Another questioner wondered if Ms. DuVally feels like a new person or just someone who has revealed her true self. She feels a continuity of identity, she answered. But as Maeve, she said she is totally different and more kind than she was as Michael.

As for her coming out to family members, she said she made mistakes in the process, but learned lessons that serve her now in helping others through their coming out processes.

As for today, it’s “so much fun living as a woman and I get to do it for the rest of my life.”

“Maeve Rising” was published by Sibylline Press, a company that specializes in accomplished female authors who are over 50. It’s available from the publisher, through Amazon and from other book sellers.