Coping with the Crisis: The New Challenge of Re-entry

Many people remember the date that I call “two-weeks after the second shot day.”

Mine was on February 25. Although my behavior didn’t drastically change, I did feel a sense of freedom. A group of vaccinated friends and I started getting together for Tuesday afternoon outdoor lunches and walks. First it was outdoor walks, then outdoor restaurants. We recently met at someone’s home. Wow!

But not everyone is feeling the “wow.” Some vaccinated people are still feeling skittish about returning to the old ways. Some have adjusted a bit too well to the new normal and have become so accustomed to Zoom and isolation that they’re now finding it difficult to break out. Some are calling this “Re-entry Anxiety.”

When COVID hit, many people acclimated quite well to the new normal. Let’s start with the most obvious, those who began working from home and decided that it really suited them. Some of them migrated from New York to the East End (and Shelter Island) and have discovered they love it here and don’t wish to return.

First, they joked about commuting from the bedroom to the living room and then it became the norm. And while combining work with at-home child care was challenging, many families found their rhythm and began to enjoy it. For these people, the adjustment to the pandemic worked and the prospect of shifting gears back is now causing anxiety. Return to the office? Many are saying “Hell no, we won’t go.”

Then there are those who tend to have some social anxiety to begin with and may have thrived during this time. Social contact was limited and non-spontaneous. Few casual encounters, no cocktail parties and no office schmoozing has been a relief. Not everyone loves big weddings. Not everyone loves the office Christmas party. Many people were not shedding tears over the year’s canceled events.

This is true of children, too. While everyone is talking about the need for in-person school (which I happen to agree with), some kids may have a difficult time returning. Kids who had been bullied or just left out of the social scene may have found a year of learning by computer comforting. The prospects of return might lead to avoidant behaviors.

So, how do we assist those for whom re-entry is formidable? In a recent New York Times column, Bonnie Tsui addresses re-entry issues for everyone — those with social anxiety and those whose social “muscle” just needs to be toned. After living our lives “siloed,” we may all need to re-learn how to be social again. She quotes Debra Kaysen, a psychologist and professor at Stanford, who says that returning to pre-pandemic life has similarities to veterans returning from combat.

For the veteran, what used to be familiar is now strange. For the individual emerging from the pandemic, what used to be familiar was forbidden for a year and now it’s kind of (but not completely) O.K. to engage. The threat level has been lowered, but does everyone just roll with it? Does everyone want to roll with it?

The experts are suggesting wading into the pool rather than just jumping in. Most companies will be offering hybrid models of work beginning this summer or fall. This should help the more reticent ease gradually back into the office watercooler scene, while enabling them to regain the social skills they might have lost.

Ryan Sultan, a psychiatrist and friend on Shelter Island, told Time Magazine, “Social isolation absolutely has short-term mental health impacts. But it potentially also has long-term impacts. The longer people avoid things that are making them anxious, the harder they will be to overcome.” For his patients who have re-entry anxiety, Dr. Sultan simply asks, “Is this the life that you want to live indefinitely?”

For people whose social anxiety has come to the fore, this would be an excellent time to begin psychotherapy. Cognitive BehavioralTherapy (CBT) is often short-term and considered highly effective, although many models of therapy have helped innumerable people looking to change their thinking.

Children who are struggling with re-entry should be encouraged to talk about what is good about returning to school and what frightens them. Teachers should be made aware that some kids need gentle handling and that transitions are often challenging. Teachers should also be trained to look for signs of stress and isolation.

Dr. Kaysen gives eight suggestions for sharpening up those neglected social skills. This is the abbreviated version of her recommendations: 1) Share a meal with someone you have not seen; 2) Tell a joke; 3) Ask someone what they are reading or listening to; 4) Contact someone you’ve lost touch with; 5) Strike up a conversation with a stranger; 6) Move with someone (dance, walk, run, bike); 7) Sit quietly with someone; 8) Make a date for the future.

Number eight is really appealing. It shows us moving into a renewed era of togetherness. Throughout this year there have been varying degrees of loss. For some of us picking up the pieces is harder than for others. But for all of us, a healthy and better future is what it’s all about.

Nancy Green is a member of the Shelter Island Health and Wellness Alliance along with Lucille Buergers, Jim Colligan, Laurie Fanelli, Trish Gallagher, Ryan Sultan, MD, and Bonnie Stockwell.