Column: Making and keeping good habits
It’s February. That means by now we have broken most, if not all, of our New Year’s resolutions.
But before we become too self-critical, this might be a good opportunity to understand the science of habit forming (and breaking) so 2026 can be salvaged and we need not wait until 2027 to try again.
A habit is defined as an automatic behavior or routine that you do repeatedly, sometimes without thinking. It can be something that is considered good (like brushing your teeth), or something not so good, like smoking. But either way, because it’s routine and humans are wired to repeat behaviors, change requires a conscious effort.
A 2006 study by Duke University found that 40% of the actions people perform each day are not actual decisions, but habits. That means that we’re living almost half of our waking hours on auto-pilot — a sobering thought.
Neuropsychologist Dr. Heidi Allison Bender says that when you create a habit, the neurons in your brain continuously fire in the same pattern, which etches it in your mind. In order to “undo” it, the connections must be weakened. Undoing it is difficult because the habit serves a purpose; it’s baked into the brain and requires little conscious thought.
For example: Think about grabbing a phone and scrolling. I find myself doing this sometimes without even thinking. Bender and other researchers over the years. It’s been popularized by author Charles Duhigg in several books and articles, with his most well-known book called, “The Power of Habit.” In a nutshell, we are victims of something known as the “habit loop.”
The habit loop is the neurological pattern that governs a habit and consists of three elements: a cue, a routine, and a reward. Brain circuits get activated by a trigger (the cue) and during that activation you have a behavior that gets strengthened through repetition, which leads to a reward. Dopamine (the “feel good” hormone — think cocaine) creates a positive association between the behavior and what you are experiencing.
So, using the example of a phone, the cue is a feeling that I want to see all those wonderful people writing to me. I then pick up my phone, which is the response, and when I see a text from one of my children, I experience pleasure that is the reward. This helps build the routine until it becomes a habit. (Of course most of those “wonderful” people writing to me are politicians and organizations wanting my money, but that doesn’t seem to stop the habit loop.) And the reason for that goes back to Dr. Bender’s research that the connections are difficult to undo once the cue and the reward become intertwined.
So how do we undo or change a habit? From a neurological perspective, the brain must override its default wiring and create a new response to the cues. It isn’t easy.
Dr. Bender gives an example that is near and dear to me. Many people bite their nails or cuticles when anxious. The cue-routine-reward loop is unconscious so that the person generally is not saying, “This isn’t good for me, I should stop.” So, when someone intentionally attempts to stop biting their nails, they must first become aware of feeling anxious. Then they must consciously substitute a better response (like deep breathing). How long would that more adaptive behavior take to get locked in? According to medical literature it would take an average of 66 days with a range from 18 to 254 days to actually change a habit.
Bri Flynn Witthuhn, in a Forbes article in 2020, gives some practical advice on how to rewire our brains in “potentially triggering” situations.
Ms. Witthuhn, an organizational psychologist, generally writes about how to improve one’s behavior at work. Much of her focus is how to not get triggered by people and situations, but she’s also interested in changing our own personal habits.
It starts by writing down the change that you want to see.
Ms. Witthuhn cites a 2002 study that concluded that 91% of people who decided they wanted to exercise followed through when they wrote down where and when they were going to do it. Then write down an “if-then” statement. For example, if I go to the gym, I will feel better right afterwards and will be healthier in my life. This becomes the motivator.
Here are the steps that she recommends:
• Identify the unproductive habit that you would like to change. Would making this affect your life in a positive way?
• Reflect on the impact this habit has had on your life to date. How has it served you and how has it harmed you?
• Commit to the change. Ask yourself what are the risks of not changing it?
• Create an action plan in writing using an ‘if-then” scenario. Decide what you will do the next time you are triggered (such as deep breathing instead of nail biting). Then think about what it would be like without this habit in a month? Will you be happier? Will you like yourself better? If the answer is yes, it is time to rewire that brain.
Using this framework, we can be challenged to change some of our less than perfect behaviors in dealing with others. Have these behaviors served us well? If not, perhaps 2026 is the time to make that change.
Obviously, habit and behavior change don’t need to be decreed on Dec. 31, but can be an ongoing effort for self-improvement. Let’s all agree that New Years resolutions are not particularly productive, and instead work toward creating better selves all year round.
Nancy Green is a social worker and Co-chair of the Shelter Island Health and Wellness Committee. She is trying to spend less time nail biting and scrolling on her phone.
