Jenifer’s Journal: The paradox of aging

One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming. — Morgan Harper Nichols

I love a paradox, but while I’d like to take credit for my column’s title, I must attribute it to something that Laurie Fanelli, the director of the Shelter Island Senior Center (and the 2022 Reporter Person of the Year), said when I was there this past Tuesday.

In advance of the movie they were about to show (a terrific one, “The Sapphires,” from 2012, based on a true story) I was chatting with some of the members about their interests and the kinds of topics they’d like to see me cover in this column.

Turns out that this little group of seniors I was interviewing —Jane Gereghty, Allison Binder and Joan McVeigh among them — were funny, smart, informed and pretty much interested in what concerns all of us: family, inflation, living through COVID, etc.

That’s when Laurie asked me if I was familiar with the concept of “the paradox of aging” that she’d been reading about lately in various publications. The research seems to show  that while seniors might be experiencing a declension of their physical strength and mobility, and, in some cases, their mental acuity, at the same time many have managed to reach levels of personal satisfaction and well-being that often elude their younger counterparts.

Ah, a paradox — and one worth exploring.

In talking to Laurie, I remembered some research I’d done for a column a while back about how, from an emotional and mental-health perspective, the elderly seemed to be coping better than others with the COVID pandemic.

Among the research I cited back then was this from a July 2020 article on sciencedaily.com: “Adults aged 60 and up have fared better emotionally compared to younger adults (18-39) and middle-aged adults (40-59) amid the COVID pandemic, according to new UBC research published recently in the Journal of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences.”

But as I further explored “the paradox of aging,” I found that elderly “edge” in emotional and mental well-being was not situational, but extended into life in general. In a 2016 article from the same site: “’In the literature it’s called the paradox of aging,’ said Laura Carstensen, director of the Stanford Center on Longevity … “How can it be that given the many well-documented losses that occur with age, we also see this improvement in emotional well-being?”

As it happens, Carstensen doesn’t think this is a paradox at all. In her own work, she’s found evidence that people’s goals and reasoning change as they come to appreciate their mortality and recognize that their time on Earth is finite. “When people face endings they tend to shift from goals about exploration and expanding horizons to ones about savoring relationships and focusing on meaningful activities,” she said. “When you focus on emotionally meaningful goals, life gets better, you feel better, and the negative emotions become less frequent and more fleeting when they occur.”

When life gets stressful and we feel overwhelmed, my new friend, Jane Gereghty, suggests we try what works for her. “I say to myself, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ and by the time I go through all the horrible possibilities, somehow what’s actually happening doesn’t seem so bad.” 

That kind of in-the-trenches optimism comes with experience and perspective. The Senior Center is a friendly, vibrant meeting ground where wit and wisdom are in endless supply, but it’s much more than cookies and good conversation.

In coming weeks we’ll explore some of the crucial initiatives that, along with the Senior Center, operate under the umbrella of Senior Services on the Island, and include the nutrition program, the Wellness Alliance, and efforts to combat the onerous Island food prices that exceed even the inflationary ones in the rest of the state. 

It’s clear that our community values all its citizens, and perhaps we are a step ahead of the “policy leaders” described in a 2021 article on PubMed.com called  “A Cross-sectional Study of the ‘Paradox of Aging’ in China: “Policy leaders are saying, ‘How are we going to cope with all these old people?’ But a population who are in good mental health, emotionally stable, more grateful, and more likely to forgive are a pretty great resource for a society with so much strife and war.” And that ain’t just in China.

P. S. I found this quote from Ingrid Bergman that I want to squeeze in here: “Getting old is like climbing a mountain — you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better.” Not a paradox, maybe, but it reminds me that they’re showing Maggie Smith in the comedy, “Quartet,” next Tuesday at the Senior Center at 1 p.m.

 I’ll save you a seat.